About 97% of all recent college graduates wouldn't have that sweet blessed college degree or that $50,000 of sweet blessed debt if it hadn't been for the only pill that deserves to be called THE MIRACLE PILL… ADDERALL. Here are the top 10 reasons Adderall is better than any drug ever invented (including Bath Salts):
10. It's the only class 2 narcotic that parents will encourage their kids to take.
9. It's the only drug that affirms the belief that your life is going in the right direction.
8. When you take it, you won't cough, and you're face will not go numb and you won't try and eat a face.
7. It makes you feel smarter than "The Average Bear."
6. It is guaranteed not to cause the "Munchies." In fact it gives the un-munchies.
5. There is no such thing as an "Addy-head" unlike pothead, crackhead, meth-head, etc...
4. You have to take a test for the prescription (Stupid people can't pass this test and thus cannot abuse it).
3. It gets you in "THE F*CKING ZONE."
2. It's the only drug that is socially acceptable to buy and sell in a library.
1. While you're on it, your work gets done, your room gets clean, your car gets washed, your checks get deposited, your laundry gets done, your nails get clipped, your shoes get polished, your ceiling fan gets dusted, your bathroom sink gets bleached, your resume gets updated, you'll call your mother, you'll call your father, you'll call the grandparents, and before you know it your entire life is in order. All that is just the first half hour.
Aristotle Georgeson is a Florida based comedian who loves Chipotle more than any human should. Follow him on twitter @sToTle
(Editor’s Note: While the opinions and comments in this column are, at times, factual, accurate, and thought provoking, BroBible does not endorse or encourage the use or abuse of Adderall. In short, drugs are bad, m'kay?)